Dangerous Contagions

There are many contagions in the world that people are afraid of catching.  People spend hundreds of dollars buying supplies in order to avoid catching the Ebola virus, SARS, or the Bird Flu.  They may have even been the only people smart enough to convert all of their cash into gold and fill their bathtubs with water in order to avoid the catastrophe that was Y2K when all of the world’s computers became sentient and attacked the human race.  If you don’t remember that happening, you are either under 10 years old or the computers have wiped your memory.  I only hope that I can warn you that you live in the Matrix before they get to me.

Most of these contagions are overblown media extravaganzas.  The level of threat that the average person faces is infinitesimally small.  Not that they shouldn’t be taken seriously, but you and I should not avoid eating chicken (unless you are a vegetarian/vegan) because we are worried about getting influenza of the bird variety.  You can safely ignore 99% of all contagions in the news.

However…there is a contagion that is spreading throughout Lansing.  It is one that is affecting a large portion of the population, and is flying under the radar.  You can find some newspaper reports about it, but by and large the situation is rapidly spreading out of control.  I don’t want to spread alarm, but I think that the Lansing area is soon going to be completely swallowed by it.  It’s going to be worse than the impending Zombie apocalypse.  Our only chance is to embrace the contagion, and hope for the best.

What has me so worried, you ask?  What is it that you have to prepare your family for?

Are you sitting down?  You should be, because what I’m about to tell you is disconcerting, to say the least.

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